Nepali print media has created tremendous curiosity about women’s sexuality. Executing study and research on the topic, which was considered a very personal experience and behavior in the past, the print media has now made women’s sexual behavior public. There is a great possibility of the awakening of controversies regarding women’s sexuality in the future.

Sex, until yesterday, was among the subjects discussed very little in our society. However, from the last 10-15 years, due to the spread of HIV/AIDS, which is mostly transmitted through sexual contact, discussions on sex have been taking place, though in a small scale. The Nepali fortnightly newsmagazine Himal published a survey article on the sexual behavior of urban Nepalis for the first time. This should be considered a positive attempt. Sex is such a matter that there cannot be a global unanimity about the notion, nature and behavior regarding it. Therefore, individuals having different notions about sex and sexuality are found in every society.

Nepali print media enormously publishes articles and news items related to sex on the topics such as procedure of sex; male orgasm; women being cheated from the pleasure of sex; suppressed sexual desire of women; men’s preference to have sexual contact with multiple partners; life without sex is boring, dreadful and unhealthy; sexual assaults on women; consequences of immoral sexual acts; and the problems resulted by the openness come in sexual behavior etc. Thus, sex and sexuality have been understood confining to the areas suggested by the media. But, do only these things mean sexuality?

What is sex? What is sexuality? These are very complicated questions indeed. If answers to these questions are sought for, different things come out from different individuals. Usually, just intercourse is referred sex. But, the people, who view sex in a broader perspective, consider it around the fringes of nocturnal discharge during adolescence, menstruation, sexual desires and feelings at young stage. People involve in sex by two intentions: one is for producing offspring and another is for getting sexual pleasure. The intercourse to have offspring may not possess sexual pleasure. It seems that even experts are in difficulty to give an explicit definition of sexuality.

An Indian publication named Saksi in its book entitled Female Sexuality defines sexuality as- " When we think of sexuality, we automatically tend to think of sex. But are sex and sexuality the same thing ? What is the difference ? The an act. For instance if we compare sexuality to a spring which flows beneath the surface, then sex can be likened to the fountain which comes forth from the spring. Sexuality then, is the life force of the fountain. what in us then is this life force ? Is Sexuality an energy, the uniqui language of intimacy, an identity, or the essence of our beings as real as spiritual, emotional, intellectual selves ? Perhaps all of these........."

According to Dr. Rajendra Bhadra, who is involved in study and analysis of sexual life, "A person’s thoughts about sex or all the driving forces of life like values and morals, freedom, demarcation, sexual behavior, the goal of life, objectives, awareness of self-respect etc. are his/her sexuality." Defining sexuality Dr. Bijaya Lal Guruwacharya says, "Generally, sexuality means attraction towards opposite sex. Human sexuality is the attributes displayed due to the effects of hormones in human body. What type of sexual behavior a person does is his/her sexuality. Therefore, sexuality and sexual behavior are complimentary to each other."

Women and Sexuality

Among the multitude of issues raised by the global women’s movements, sexuality has come forth as a major issue. Though the issue of women’s sexuality has been raised from the early eighties and it gained some recognition until mid-eighties, this issue still is in difficult position for discussion within the global women’s movements, and the women’s movements are not being able to put it within a frame because various aspects of women’s sexuality are yet to be discussed in detailed. At present, it seems that discussion on sexuality within the global women’s movements has turned to alternative sexual practice like homosexuality.

The women’s movement in Nepal has not still been able to put the issue of women’s sexuality in its agenda. Because sexuality is based on values in every society. Women get a pre-set condition to express their sexuality, and make their attitude towards it from their socio-cultural condition. In Nepali society, the norms and values have suppressed women’s sexuality in such a manner that even the women themselves do not know that what is their sexuality and how, where and form secrete. Moreover, the society takes their personal opinion and wish about sex as rudeness."

It has been written in books and addressed by psychologists that sexual desire and sexual act are biological needs. Sexual contentment is as much necessary as food and sleep for the body. The body gets weak and infected by various diseases if it does not get food when hungry. In the same manner, human beings become physically and mentally sick, when they suppress their sexual desire. Therefore, it is necessary to fulfill one’s sexual desire with his/her sexual partner in the right time in an appropriate manner. Even Lord Krishna preach in the Geeta, "The foolish person, who forcefully suppresses his/her sexual desire is a hypocrite." It means that if we agree to this saying of Lord Krishna, the women who have been widowed from their childhood and unmarried women are hypocrites. Because there is not whole truth in their saying that sexual desire does not come in them. However, rather than suppressing their sexual desire they do not have any other alternatives.

Hormones play a major role to induce sexual stimulation in the body of both men and women. Hormone expert Dr. Uma Srivastav says, "Sexual desire, sexual behavior and sexuality - all these three things are the attributes that emanate due to the hormones in human body." According to sex psychologists and psychologists, when one sees the person adored by him/her, sexual desire may arise. On the contrary, in the conditions when the mind is disturbed, worried and feeling insecure, the possibility of coming up sexual desire becomes extremely less. Men, in our society, even though they are married, can easily reveal their sexuality and sexual behavior outside their home. Because the society has given permission to express their sexuality on very unscientific reasons such as men are promiscuous by nature. But the sexuality of the women like Geeta vanishes in the prime age due to insecure environment, disturbed and worried mind. Therefore, the scholars involved in minute study of sexuality apprehend that women’s sexuality and sexual behavior are more influenced by social norms and values than by hormones. It seems that their apprehension is absolutely true because the expression of sexuality is an interplay of power between men and women.

The Power Game

The reason why women cannot express their sexuality is that it’s a power game. According to sociologist Dr. Dilli Ram Dahal, "Society has always tried to keep women’s sexuality in its control. Because of that reason society has not easily accepted remarriage by women." Dr. Uma Srivastav says on this regard, "Widows cannot marry again by their wish alone. It’s the men who have to be ready for this." But, here again, the same question arises - Does women’s sexuality get fulfillment only when they are tied to marital relation?

We should admit that marriage is not the only means for women to live a social life. It is good to establish the approach towards sexuality and sexual behavior according to the norms and values of society because it keeps people in discipline. But, the distressing thing is that the society always puts gender differences paramount in the process of building social norms and values. The attitude taking women’s sexuality according to her birth is still prevalent in a large section of our society. The girl-child is socialized in such a manner that she learns her aims and ambition in life, thoughts and feelings are just bound to marriage. The society should think that a woman can choose her ways to spend life even staying unmarried.

In case of expressing sexuality also, the society is guided by the concept of ‘good’ and ‘bad’. It seems that the society has built up the concept of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ regarding sexuality just for women. Because ‘good’ women always hide, conceal and suppress their sexuality; and supposedly ‘bad’ women advocate for their sexuality, utter to challenge social norms and values, incite obscene culture, and address to disintegrate society etc. Women cannot bear with ease such allegations made against ‘bad’ women. Therefore, they think that it is better to stay tongue-tied about their sexuality.

Women do not like to make new relations because they fear that such relations may divide their personality. So they make their life active in building up their identity. In many circumstances, the concept of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ does no harm to men because the society and law have offered many rights in their service. Many concessions are given to correct men’s mistakes. But a heavy weight of sacredness and character is loaded on the shoulders of women. When women are to be given or deprived from their due rights, their sacredness and character are carefully measured. Therefore, the expression of sexuality is not executed considering hormonal influence but on the basis of power relation. Society is a collective trait. If the concepts of society are faltering and discriminatory, then we have to question them. If the society makes disorderly rules, it has to be ready to listen about its shortcomings.

It takes a long time to construct a social concept. Many experiments are done in the due course. Many controversies arise. Many allegations take place. Until ten years ago, we were afraid of the word ‘sex’. But today, we do not stay behind to express our personal opinion on this regard. It is imperative to run discussions on the delusive facts, contradictory ideas and forcefully loaded concepts about women’s sexuality. After a persistent discussion, the society will be compelled to make new concepts about women’s sexuality. We can conduct a discussion between old concept and new concept and finally find out a middle path, which would be pragmatic and free from gender discrimination. We can allow women to make their own decision on how their sexuality should be expressed. We have to believe that women will make a proper decision, which will give pace to the advancement of the society.

The present time is dominated by duality. Most of the men and women, who have grown up in the culture of double standard, express or talk about only those things which the society can digest or accept, whatever they really think in mind. Even the people who have embraced every custom, life style and fashion of modern society become spellbound, when issue about women’s sexuality is raised. When these people speak, they allege it a western wind. Actually, these are the people leading and dominating the society. However, this group is very weak, distressed and feeling insecure inside. In order to cover their weaknesses, they are trying to obstruct the pace of human development in the pretext of social norms and values.

There is a notion that those who talk about women’s rights are just a small group of urban educated women and they do not represent common Nepali women. The attribute named sexuality is not different in urban and rural women. What the difference is that sexuality of urban women is revealed in the media from various angles. To a large extent, urban women themselves have commercialized their sexuality. Nonetheless, the media has not reached the sexuality of rural women. In reality, the sexuality of rural women is in jeopardy. Since they are not being able to manage and steer their sexuality, they are unfortunate to become ‘criminal’. The cases of rural women trafficked to involve into prostitution, abortions, infanticide and murder after incestuous relations, which are often published in the media, provide sufficient evidence to prove this fact. The society has never thought seriously about this aspect of the reality. If we probe into such events, we will find human sexual behavior as a strong factor behind them.

The main cause of gender disparity in our society is resulted from the inability to maintain balance in moral standard for men and women regarding sexuality. Men can easily suppress women in sexual relations, make them weak and deprive them from their rights. Till today, daughters are given education not to make them independent but to find an educated groom for them. This attitude prevails among young women also. The society is still predominated by the people who possess the idea that the life of daughters begins only after marriage. If we carefully examine women’s sexuality inside marital life, we will find the power game prevailing there rather than the emotional bonding. It can be examined by the cases of poor condition of married women’s sexual health, reproductive health, excessive use of contraceptives on women’s body, sexually transmitted diseases infected by their husbands and rape within marital life.

Diversity in Sexuality

We know very well that we are the consequence of intercourse. There are many driving forces in our body which conduct life. Which driving force is to be activated where and when depends upon our knowledge and recognition of those driving forces. Sexuality is one of the most important drives of human life. From biological perspective, the main sexual drive of the living creatures is to produce progeny like themselves. Therefore, it is not possible to advance the society excluding sexuality. Although science has challenged the natural significance of sexuality by producing test-tube babies, this has a limited scope in the given situation. Human creatures use sexuality not only for reproducing babies but also for acquiring sexual pleasure.

Women are conscious and understanding creatures. Their sexuality also includes their feelings, desires, aims and ambitions of life, self-respect, existence, utilization of rights and freedom, and desire to acquire sexual pleasure. Women are very much aware to utilize and use all these aspects of sexuality. Even women are very sensible in handling sex. In many respects, women give importance to sex on emotional ground rather than as a physical need. Therefore, many women do not like to involve in sex with multiple partners. They do not like to make sexual contact with the person whom they dislike. But a controversial question arises here - Are all sexual contacts within marital relations emotional and mental? It is said that there is more duty than emotions in marital sex. Many married women readily accept that they involve in sexual act not by their sexual desire but to fulfill the wish of their husband.

Women’s becoming aware of their sexuality does not mean that they just have to seek freedom and rights in terms of sex. The social standard for marriageable age for women is changing. Though the proportion of women who marry lately is small, the society should not ignore their existence. Whenever the question of sexuality arises, women of all class and creed give defensive answers because of their own weaknesse s and ignorance. The reason behind this is that we educated women are scared and ignorant about our physical organs, their functions, importance, necessities and desires. There are negative concepts about sexuality. To understand our sexuality means to help ourselves, to raise self-confidence in ourselves, to set explicit goal in life, and to become aware of our self-esteem, existence and freedom. It also means to understand our desires properly and to make ways to fulfill those desires healthily, respectfully and emotionally. This can be achieved through knowledge and information.

Asmita Monthly,Vol. 12, No. 54, Fagun 2056 BS (Feb-Mar 2000), Pp. 12-19.

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