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This is an inside story of
the contract between adult female. The most intimate and probably the most
superficial relationship, that is, marital relationship is analyzed here.
The opinion of married women on the formation and structure of marriage is
presented here and the pleasures and pains of wives and revealed. This
write -up is based on the preliminary data of the survey 'Women's View on
Husband-Wife Relationship' conducted by Asmita from August 17th to
November 17th, 1994. In fact, this is just an attempt to understand the
state of marital relationship in Nepali society.
According to the definitions given in text books, marriage is a union
between a man and a women sanctioned by society. The main objectives of
marriage are : setting up household, entering into sexula life,
reproducing and rearing children. In actual life, marriage is not as
simple and uncomplicated as depicted in the definition. Many pains,
conflicts, tensions and complexities are glutted in it. But, the pleasing
part of it is that sorrow and happiness, tears and laughter are closely
situated together in marital life as two sides the same coin.
This survey have proven false at least ten myths about wifehood and
marital life. These myths are serially discussed in the follwing passages.
Myth 1 : Nepali women are of introvert nature
andd they do not like to talk about their personal sexual behavior.
One of the important aspects of marital life is sex. In a biological
sense, marriage is a permanent sexual relationship that is sanctioned by
society and law. Two and a half year before Dr. Bijaya Lal Gurubacharya
and Dr. B.K. Subedi had conducted a nation-wide research on the 'Structure
of Sexual Behavior in Nepal'. According to this research, the minimum age
of having sexual contact by a Nepali woman is ten. This indicates the
servere presence of child marriage in Nepal.
According to Census-1991, 7.2 percent (80,459) of the girls are married
out of the total girls of age from 10 to 14. Among the 496 women surveyed
by the two doctors 67.3 percent had sexual relations before the age of 20.
It was found from the surveyed persons that the husbands and wives had
coitus thrice a week in an average. 14.9 percent of the women had sexual
relations before their marriage.
Are you satisfied with your sexual life ? In the beginning, we were in
doubt in asking this question for whether the respondents would answer it
or not. Therefore, the question regarding sex was placed nearly at the end
of the questionnaire sheet. As in the other structured questions of the
questionnaire multiple choice answers were given to this question too and
the respondent had to tick mark one answer. After the survey, it was seen
that 93.8 percent of the women answered this question without any
hesitation. Only 6.1 percent of the women didnot like to give any answer
to this question.
Among the respondent women 68.1 percent said that they were fully
satisfied with their sexual life. The women, who sometimes felt satisfied,
were 14.3 percent, 5.7 percent of the women had accepted sex as a
necessary part of life, though they were not satisfied from it. The same
percent of the women said that they were fully unsatified with their
sexual life.
In the question, have you had sexual relations with someone other than
your husband, 86.6 percent of the women shook their heads in denial. Among
the respondents 10.9 percent said that they had maintained extra-marital
sexual relations. Remarkably, in the survey done by Dr. Gurubacharya and
Dr. Subedi approximately the same number (11.7%) of the women had said
that they had had extramarital sex. In their study, 20.5 percent of the
men revealed the secret that they were having sexual relations with other
persons including their wives.
For the gentle husbands who get baffled on hearing that wives were
having extra-marital sex this fact may become more amazing that 18.8
percent of the women said that to have such relations is conditionally
right. However, we cannot draw any false implication from this result
because maximum number of respondents (76.5%) said that having such
relations is entirely wrong and immoral.
Total 1,000 questionnaire were distributed in this survey in which 860
women filled in the questionnaire. Out of the total respondents 82.9
percent were married and 3.4 percent had done second married. The women,
who were divorced and living separately from their husband, were 4.1
percent. The proportion of widows was 8.6 percent and 0.9 percent of the
women did not mentioned their marital status. The survey were represented
by respondent from 50 districts (total number of districts in Nepal is
75), from Jhapa of the east to Kailali of the west and from Solukhumbu of
the north to Mahottari of the south. Nonetheless, this survey was executed
on the literate and educated women of urban middle and lower middle class.
Only 8.8 percent of the total population of Nepali women live in urban
areas. Thus, it is not right to generalize the conclusions of this survey
to the majority (91.2%) of women who live in villages, though some rural
women also partipated in it. The culture of Nepali urban society is
rapidly transforming into modernity from the traditional type. Thus, in
such a state of flux it is significant to study this society. A
presupposition is made here that numerous Nepali woemn will pass through
the similar transition in near future and probably then the significance
of this study will be valued.
Another important of marriage is the financial aspect. There should be
a sound economy to run a household appropriately. This will be discussed
in detail later. Before this, let us mention the second myth about
marriage.
But, it is wrong to take the arranged marriage system, prevalent in the
high-case Hinku community, as a major trend of The whole Nepali society.
(See: the article of Dr. Meena Acharya published in Asmita, Vol. VII No.
27, Pp. 38-41). In this survey, 8.1 percent of the women came from the
Tibeto-Burman community (Rai, Limbu, Gurung, Magar, Sherpa, Tamang and
Thakali) whereas 3.9 percent of the women came from the Oppressed castes.
Love marriage is more prevalent in the Tibeto-Burman community and
suppressed castes. Among the surveyed women 26.9 percent had done love
marriage. The number of highly educated women and women of younger age is
also included in this.
The largest number of women involved in the survey were of the age
between 26 to 35 years, and they were 40.9 percent. The second largest
number (30.9%) of the women were of the young age between 16 and 25. The
older women of the age more than 66 were just 1.5 percent. The middleage
women, who were of the between 36 and 55, were 22.3 percent.
Since the questionnaire had to be filled out by the women themselves,
literate and educated women were selected in the survey. Seventeen percent
of the women had passed high school exams. 14.1 percent of the women had
passed intermediate level and the same percent of the women were collage
graduates. The women who had attained the degree of post-graduation were
4.8 percent and the women educated more than this were 0.9 percent. The
women, who could simply read and write, were 28.3 percent. The women, who
had certificate lower than high school, were 16.2 percent. Some illiterate
women also filled in the questionnaire; due to curiosity with the help of
others, their number is included in the number of women who did not
revealed their educational status. Thus, the women, who were illiterate
and who did not revealed their educational status, were 4.1 percent.
Among the women who did love marriage 56.4 percent did so without the
permission of their family. It means that they had exhibited courage to
rebel the tradition. Among the women who did love marriage 43.5 percent of
the women had got permission from their family. Either their family had a
custom of love marriage of their family was very modern.
Among the surveyed women 51.8 percent said that they were consulted
before marriage and they had themselves permitted for marriage. Although
it shows the respect given to the feelings of the bride-to- be, 37.9
percent of the women said that their opinion and permission were not
sought before marriage. It indicates that 'forced marriage' is also
prevalent in our society in great proportion. 10.2 percent of the women
did not like to talk anything on this matter. Among the women who did
arranged marriage 13 percent revealed the secret that their family forced
them to marry another person other than their loved one or boyfriend. The
women, who said that they did not have any boyfriend before marriage, were
77 percent. About 10 percent of the women found safe to keep silence on
this matter.
Most of the women who did love marriage with the permission of their
family got dowry, not to mention about the arranged marriage in which
dowry is an essential part. The dowry system that is gradually moving
towards social perversion also is creation a social problem in our
society, and this survey has broken the following myth.
Myth 3: Dowry system is not the problem of Nepali
society.
Two of the prevalent customs of marriage are seen in two extreme
points. One is the method of marrying with great show and second is the
method of marrying with low expenditure and in short time. Both of these
customs are increasing in urban areas, however, comparatively the first
one is more visible than the second one. This is quite natural because
covering the house with many colored light bulbs, the noise of cassette
player and orchestra band, the enormous sound of generator, the crowed of
invitees, the row of vehicles out of the main gate and the odor of rice,
meat and beer that disturb neighborhood for three-four days- all these
things can be felt spontaneously. In comparison to this, marrying at a
temple, finishing the religious rite of marriage in one and half hour and
giving party to 40-50 closest and friends is not visible. Nevertheless,
the survey has shown that the custom of marriage by the second quick and
easy method is more prevalent.
Among the respondent women 23.8 percent married by simple rites with
low expenditure and in short time whereas 4.5 percent had done court
marriage. Remarkably, most of the women who did love marriage were bound
to conjugal tie by this simple method. 14.8 percent of the women became
bride through great show and expenditure, because of this their parents
had to burden with heavy loan.
54.5 percent of the women said that they married in a traditional way
in according with their status. Here, the traditional method of marriage
in accordance with the (economic) status deserves more explanation.
Marriage in our society does not exist as a contract between two
individuals, but as a social fete. Thus, all the relatives and friends
regard it as their right to take part in marriage. If merely the closest
relatives and friends are invited in a marriage ceremony, the number of
invitees will reach three to four hundreds. If all religious rites are
performed, it will take at least two days. Then, the marrying daughter has
to be given minimum dowry according to the social practice. The minimum
dowry consists bed, sofa set, side table, closet, dressing table, jewelry,
saris, carpet, curtain and clothes for groom and his mother etc.
Most of the women have internalized the above process of marriage as a
'traditional way in accordance with their status.' It shows that the women
have not thought the fact that how much loan has to be burdened by their
parents to maintain such status, how much perversion has been merging with
this custom and how it is making the marriage as a painful custom for the
coming generation. Therefore, for simplifying and modernizing the marriage
system the perspective of women themselves must be changed.
Among the women involved in the survey 58.9 percent had got dowry from
their parents. 38.8 percent of the women said that they did not get any
dowry. 7.4 percent of the women themselves had compelled their parents for
dowry. 88.7 percent of the women had not given such pressure to their
parents.
According to the opinion of 69.5 percent of the women, their parents
were not pressed for dowry by the groom party. 17.3 percent of the women
said that they were coeced by the groom party to give dowry. The women who
had suffered from the pressure for dowry were mostly Taraians. In the name
of dahej (dowry) the practice of giving huge financial assets is much more
practiced in Tarai (Southern part of Nepal), writes Manu Brajaki in his
article published in Asmita, Vol. VI, No.24, families of the Kathmandu
valley. Now, we cannot sit hand in hand saying that the dowry system is
not our society's problem because the news about the murder and
exploitation of women concerning dowry are coming in newspapers
frequently.
Due to the restoration of consumerist values in Nepali society some
people have begun to take marriage as a business. Gaining fixed and fluid
property through marriage has become a wish of some so-called educated
young men and their parents. They think that there is no other easy and
straight means to accumulate wealthy than marriage. Consequently, the
marriage of a daughter has become a source of tremendous mental torture to
many middle class parents.
Among the women who were pressed for dowry by the groom party 52.7
percent of the women said that verbal commitment for necessary goods in
dowry was asked them before marriage. 26.3 percent of the women's parents
were given the list of necessary goods in dowry. 20.9 percent of the women
were threatened that if they would not give the demanded goods in dowry,
the relationship would be broken.
One of the total respondents 16.9 percent were violated even after
marriage because of dowry. 71.9 percent of the total respondents said that
they were not abused anyway.
Some scholars have the opinion that 'the dowry system has prevailed
because women are not given the right of inherited property'. In their
conception, parents give part of property to their daughters in the form
of dowry. Our laws concerning property rights, probably, are also guided
by this concept. The laws have taken dowry as stridhan, that is, the
property which can be owned and used by women only. But if we look at the
goodsand chattels transferred in dowry, the above conception seems to be
false.
The goods given in dowry are not in the form of real property, they are
of the kind that they worn out and destroy after some time. Even most of
the goods do not come in the use of daughter rather they are utilized by
son-in-law and his family. The trend of showiness is also increasing in
dowry. To show the neighbours and relatives the parents may have to take
unnecessary loan, empty the entire earnings of life or sell a part of
their property. Thus, it seems more rational to give in property you
already have, you do not have to how hypocrisy in this as in dowry.
After analyzing the dowry system we come to a next false myth and that
is-
Myth 4 : The economy and store of household are
in the control of women, thencewe cannot say that women do not possess
property rights in reality.
The women activists of Nepal have been raising sharp voice that
daughters must be given equal rights in inherited property. Because of not
having any right in property Nepali women are not being able to move
forward actively for their development. This has hampered their capability
of selfdetermination. (See: Dr. Meena Acharya, The Statistical Profile on
Nepalese Women, 1994). The present survey has also revealed the fact that
Nepali women possess very little fixed property are in the name of the
persons other than their husbands, this response came because most of the
surveyed women were living in extended family. The women, who said 'some'
of the property are in my name, were 12.2 percent. This result is seen
because only women have legal right in the dowry that they receive in
marriage. The women, who said that they were sharing equal rights in
property with their husbands, were 7.8 percent. The women, who did not
like to open their mouth about property, were 5.6 percent. Women are
usually kept away in the affairs of property, so that many women being
unknown could not answer about their possession in property.
Out of the total respondents 66 percent women said that they are
involved in sme kind of income generating works. Among these working women
50.4 percent women said that they expend their income sharing with their
husbands without having any feeling of this is mine. 30.9 percent of the
women were keeping their income with themselves and expending according to
their wish. 18.6 percent of the women said that they give their entire
entire income to their husbands or to the other heads of the family who
expend them. These data indicate that though the women do not possess any
property, they have independent right over their income. Is not this
independence achieved because of their capability of earning ?
The urban family of Nepal seems to be cooperative in personality
development of wife or daughter-in-law. Among the women who were still
studying or working 63.8 percent said that they had continued their
education or work withoutany obstacle even after marriage. 15.9 percent of
the women had to stuggle and argue with the husbands' family for the same
matter. 20.2 percent of the women were forced by their family to quit
their pervious education or work after marriage.
35.7 percent of the women said that they were bearing the
responsibility of household economic activities together with their
husbands. The women, who had been bearing these activities alone, were
21.6 percent. The number of women whose husbands were doing these
activities was 11.5 percent whereas 3.6 percent of the women said that
they are done by other female member of the family. Thus, 61 percent of
the women were found to be directly or indirectly involved in household
economic activities.
48.2 percent of the women said that whenever a new goods had to be
bought for home it is done by the consensus of both husband and wife. The
women, who would bought the goods by themselves, were 21.6 percent. The
husbands of 15.1 percent of the women show enthusiasm in purchasing.
Purchasing is usually done by other member of the family, said 13.5
percent of the women.
Myth 5 : Wives do not have any free political
opinion.
68.6 percent of the women think that the political idelogy of their
husbands is the same as theirs. 13.4 percent of the women said that since
their political ideology is different from that of their husbands strife
usuallt occurs between them. 13.6 percent of the women said that though
there is difference between the political ideology of their husbands and
theirs, they do not argue respecting each others' feelings.
When they go for polling in an election, 67 percent of the women said
that they vote according to their self-decision. Just 29.6 percent of the
women said that they either consult their husband or they poll according
to the order of their husbands. Similar results have been shown by the
sample survey conducted by Asmita during the period of mid-term
election-1994. Then, among the surveyed women of the Kathmandu valley 56.5
percent had said that would vote according to their conscience.
The women who give importance for self-determination also have
maintained their decision-making ability in the case of reproduction and
upbrining of children.
Myth 6: Women do not play any role in making
decision about the number, birth difference, rearing and future of their
children.
In this survey, the women having from one to three children were 63.8
percent. Every mother in Nepal bears six children in an average, looking
to this national datum of fertility rate it seems amazing to hear that
majority of the respondents had from one to three children only. But, what
should be noted here is that one fourth of the surveyed women were married
since from one to five years only. And even most of them were highly
educated and working persons dwelling in cities. It is a proven fact that
education employment, urbanization and the availability of contraceptives
play a vital role in having less children.
Every parents have a dream about the future of their children and they
grow up their children according to their maximum capability. When to give
birth to children and how to rear childrendecisions on all these matters
are done by the consensus of both the husband and wife, said 65.8 percent
of the women. By the consensus of both means that women also take equal
part in decision making. 14 percent of the women said that such decisions
were made by them alone. The women, who said that such decisions were made
by their husbands alone, were 8.2 percent. 11.9 percent of the women did
not answer on this matter. Either they did not any children.
Out of the total respondents 50.2 percent had used contraceptives
either in the past or they were still using at the moment. 38.9 percent of
the women had not ever used contraceptives. 10.8 percent of the
respondents did not answered on this question.
Among the women who were using contraceptives 68.6 percent said that
they iwere using that by themselves and 31.3 percent of them said that
their husbands were using contraceptives. Among the persons who are using
contraceptives majority of them are women. The bad effects on women's body
caused by the use of various means of contraceptives are often discussed
in medical science, however, this fact seems to be ignored by the women
involved in the survey. But, in the situation that the entire state is
considering women as the means of population control the women have no
other alternative too.
Regarding women an an instrument of population control, it is usually,
that population growth can be diminished by obstructing the fertility of
women - this misconception is widespread. Therefore, various means of
contraception have been invented and produced aiming women. It has another
aspect as well. If pregnancy occur after sexual relationship, all the
burdents have to be carried alone by women herself. This is also the
reason that women themselves become more prone to use contraceptives.
Though the husbands showed little interests in using temporary or
permanent means of contraception, they help their wives in household
chores. It has broken the seventh myth of conjugul life.
Myth 7 : Nepali husbands do not do a single work
in their home.
There is a conservative notion that a wife has to do all the internal
works of home and going outside of home for earning is the duty of a
husband. Internal works of the home includes cooking, dish washing,
clothes washing, cleaning rooms and child care etc. Since one does not get
wages for household chores, it is referred as unproductive work. This is a
wrong concept because one or another has to do household chores to run the
family smoothly and home is the very primary school to prepare the
children as worthy citizens.
The notion that household chores are the responsibility of women only
is changing in urban areas. If women could go outside their home for
earning, then there is no reason of hesitation for men to do the internal
works of their home. Due to this reason many husbands have started to
lessen the work burden of their wives by helping them. In the present
survey, 26.5 percent of the women said that they do the household chores
together with their husbands. The husbands of 13.4 percent of the women
help them in such works, if it is asked. Likewise, 14.9 percent of the
women never help them in such 'trivial' work. 15.2 percent of the women
get very little help from their husbands in household chores. Just 0.6
percent of the women said that all the household chores are done by their
husbands.
Among the women who were involved in some kind of income generating
work 46.2 percent said that their husbands help them in their professional
work. 14.2 percent of such women said that their husbands sometimes help
them in their professional work. The husbands never show any concern in
their profession, 20.9 percent of women said. The women, who do not see
the help of their husbands necessary in their profession, were 18.5
percent.
The coopertion between husband and wife is the base of a successful
household. Bitterness arises, when one of the two is more oppressed. Women
are socialized to become peaceful and unaggressive since their childhood,
therefore their bitterness is expressed merely in words. Men do not
hesitate to use physical force to show their supremacy. The situation
becomes more intense, when violence occurs in a family. There is a
conception that violence does not occur in the educated and cultured
family of urban areas, violence is the language of barbarians. This is,
however, just a myth.
Myth 8 : The existence of violence in the
civilized and cultured society of Nepal is merely a cry of a handful of
feminists.
A women organization named Sathi had excuted a survey on the 'Domestic
Violence Against Women's some times back. In that survey 70 percent of the
respondents said that they know the existence of such violence in Nepali
society. In our survey, 61.1 percent of the women said that they have
never been physically violated by their husbands. This datum surfacially
indicates that the proportion of domestic violence in non-existent among
the surveyed women. But, what should be understood here is that men and
women are not violent enemies who look for a chance to destroy each other.
The main issue is, whether domestic violence really occurs in our society
or not ? If it does, then in what extent ? To get answer to this question
we have to ask those 11.6 percent of the surveyed women who were often
beaten by their husbands. 25.2 percent of the women said that they had
suffered from such abuse once or twice.
Among the women who had violated by their husbands 33.2 percent said
that when such incident occurs they keep silence thinking men are like
that. This indicates, majority of the abused women have internalized the
aggressiveness of male as a natural phenomenon. The women, who said that
he is a man so he has a right to do that, were 11.5 percent. The women,
who blame their fate for this, were 27.9 percent. These fatalist women, of
course, were different from those 27.3 percent of the women who had either
iprotested or forced for forgiveness when they had been beaten by their
husbands.
Another aspect of domestic violence is the rape in marital life, which
is less discussed publicly. Regarding this fact as a very personal matter,
law and society also have not recognized it. The case of Lorena Babbitt
has shown in intensity of such rape. American woman Lorena Babbitt had cut
and thrown the genital of her cruel and rapist husband. The reason for
applauding this incident by the feminists worlddover is that it brought
the rape inside bedroom on the surface.
In Simple words, to make physical relationship with a woman without her
wish is rape. In the present survey, 11 percent of the women said that
their husbands usually make sexual relations with them against their will.
16.3 percent of the women said that it happens often and 22.2 percent of
the women said that it sometimes happens. The women, who said that their
husbands never had sexual relation with them against their wish, were 47.7
percent.
What do you do or feel when your husband makes sexual relations with
you against your wish ? In this question, 25.1 percent of the women had
opinion that men are like that. The women, who by whatever reason accept
it as a routine of life, where 19.6 percent. 17.9 percent of the women
said, I feel that I am being used as an object of fulfilling my husband's
sexual urge whereas 11.1 percent of the women said, I feel that I am being
raped. The women, who silently bear this thinking that husbands might get
annoyed, were 15 percent. The women, who had strongly protested on such
situation, were 11.1 percent.
When the relationship between husband and wife worsen without having a
place to improve, there is only one way to get rid of this situation -
divorce. Though this remedy looks to be very logical, divorce is not easy
and prevalent in our society due to some conservative beliefs. There is
the belief that marriage is a repetitive bond of seven births, a lifelong
bondage or is determined in heaven so you cannot break it. Therefore,
husbands and wives are compelled to push their lives together, whatever
bitterness exists between them. According to Census-1991, out of the total
married female population only 0.7 percent (about 45,083 women) were
divorcees or they were living separately from their husbands. But,
whatever be the fact the present survey showed that Nepali women have
started to think divorce as the remedy from a painful marital
relationship. This has destroyed the following myth.
Myth 9 : Nepali women are ready to bear thousands
of sorrows, but they do not even like to think about divorce.
Divorce in our society exists as a prerogative rights of men. This may
sound amazing, however, this is a fact. Divorce can be done not by legally
alone but by other ways too. The other forms of divorce are : neglecting
the unwanted wife, sending her to her parents' home, expelling her from
home and bringing another wife as her rival. Our laws also protect men's
prerogative rights of divorce. This can be clearly understood from an
example. When it is legally proven that a woman had sexual relations with
the person other than her husband, then the husband can divorce her, but
what happens if the husband himself maintains extra-marital relations, the
law is silent on thi matter. (For more detail see Mahila Tatha Kanun,
edited by Bipin Adhikari, 1993 Pp. 33-35).
On this survey, on the question that what would you do if the relation
between you and your husband worsen without any place to improve, majority
(32.1%) of the women emphatically said that they would try to become
financially independent, then live separately. The women, who said that
they would divorce at once, were 6 percent. The proportion of the women
who had a ready mentality to divorce is remarkable, nonetheless, many
other women cannot divorce because of some compulsions such as the future
of the children, lack of the right on inherited property and economic
insecurity. The women, who said that they remain silent accepting their
fate, were 23.6 percent, 18.2 percent of the women said they would solace
themeselves looking at children, 8.4 percent of the women said that women
who would not divorce seems to be greater than the women who divorce or
live separately from husbands. It indicates, however that if the women
become economically independent and if they get rights on inherited
property, they would not be ready to burden themselves with the load of
unsuccessful marital relationship.
An interesting question was asked at the end of the questionnaire : if
you are asked to choose one quality in your husband, what would you choose
? Even the more interesting things is that the responses to this question
also have broken another myth.
Myth 10 : Women do not consider beauty and youth
in a man, whether he be handsome or ugly women enjoy him just taking his
as a man.
The meaning of the above line of Manusmriti (Chapter 9, Stanza 14) is
that women are readily controlled by the sexual physical attraction. Manu
has expressed the myth about women prevalent in the society during his
time rather than the conclusion drawn by psycological research. Many
uneducated and semi-educated men may believe in this myth even today.
This survey shows, to become an ideal husband it is not enough to
become a 'man' only. Out of the total respondent women 48.6 percent
consider intellectual capability as the major quality that a husband
should have. (Now, should not the husbands and husbands-to-be test and
improve their intelligence ?)
24.4 percent of the women said, being pragmatic, that a husband should
have a good income. A husband should have the quality to laugh and make
laugh, the women who said it were 8.3 percent.
The women, who said that a husband should have the ability to give
sexual satisfaction, were 6.3 percent.
Contrasting the concept of Manu, the women give less importance to sex
than intelligence, economy and sense of humor. Only 4 percent of the women
emphasized on physical attraction. Similarly, only one percent of the
women said that a husband should be romantic. The number of women who
liked their husbands to be talkative was very less (0.8%). This fact may
disturb the men who believe in the joke that their right of speech will be
withdrawn after marriage because women prefer a husband who talks less and
listens more.
Suppose, you have become unmarried and you are given an opportunity to
marry again what would you do ? On this question, 59.4 percent of the
women said that they would marry their present husband once again. 16.9
percent of the women said that their present husbands would be all right
to marry if some of their qualities are reduced or enhanced. 15.3 percent
of the women said that they would marry a person other than their
husbands. The women, who did not like to answer on this question, were 8.3
percent. Some women expressed their wish that they would never marry, if
they could turn the clock.
Whether they wish to marry or not, marriage 'happens' in many of the
women's lives. whatever be the fact the relationship between husband and
wife is like the tension between two poles created by attraction and
repulsion. This tension binds them together. This tension is painful,
however, it is inevitable for the longevity of marriage. Since one cannot
feel pleasures without the awareness of pains, this tension is necessary
for the happiness in marital life. Such tense realtionships are symbol of
life. The relationship without pain and tension is not found anywhere is
the world, conjugal relationship is also the same.
Acknowledgment
We are thankful to all those women who encouraged us by
enthusiastically participating in this survey, expecting their cooperation
in future too. We express gratitude to the women who traveled several
parts of the country for filling and collecting the questionnaire. They
were : Kamala Sarup, Tara Koirala, Rita Manandhar, Salina Shakya, Sarita
Shrestha, Shanta Bhandari, Sandhya Chhetri, Nirmala Basnet and Shova
Gautam. Ganesh Bhandari and Rabish Chhetri also deserve thanks for their
work tabulation and data analysis of the collected responses.
(Asmita, Vol. VII No. 30. Nov.
17-Dec. 15, 1994, Pp. 6-14.) |
